Chance is the name we gave our beautiful son. We wanted him to know exactly what he meant to us. He is our chance to become better people, our chance to learn and to grow, our chance at learning how to love unconditionally. This blog is dedicated to our first son. Our hope is that he will read it when he is older and realize just how much he has always meant to us.



Friday, February 18, 2011

28 Weeks down, about 11 Weeks to go!

We have finally hit the 3rd Trimester :) We had our 28 week ultrasound appointment, managed to make it through unscathed for the most part. It's funny how much we were dying to see pictures of our little one before the diagnosis, now we sweat every single ultrasound hoping nothing looks worse then before.

Anyways, Chance was given a much more thorough scan then he usually gets so that pictures could be taken of all of his "problem areas". We will be taking this pictures to our first meeting with the neurosurgeon...still waiting on that phone call. Although each scan is nervewracking, we did still get a good chuckle out of how big he is, a whopping 2 pounds 14 ounces at 28 weeks - almost 3 pounds! The technician mentioned his chubby cheeks and gave us a keepsake picture so we can show our chunky monkey when he gets older!!

His cyst over the opening on his back is measuring closer to 29mm, up from 19mm 4 weeks ago. The whole is more visible at S1-S2, last visit it was S2-S3. His ventricles are now at 17-18mm, up from where they remained stable at 13mm since week 20 :( The doctor also measured his cortical rim, or the area of brain that is being compressed by the ventricles. It measured about 10.5mm. We were told if it gets to 4mm or less they start to worry about too much swelling. Did I mention how much i hate these visits?



I guess i should expect everything to get larger, he is growing pretty good. But at the same time i just wish everything would remain stable...The good news is his body was measuring right on target at 28 weeks. His head was a little smaller, but only 1 week behind instead of 2 like at our last visit.



I freaked myself out so bad looking at "cortical rim sizes" on Google. I'm my pregnancy hormones best friend at this point, i make it easier to get myself emotionally worked up just by Googling anything related to my son's condition. I know it's the worst thing to do, and I know pregnancy is SUPPOSED to be hard when you are carrying an SB baby, but i just can't seem to make myself stop stressing. I worry about his ventricles getting to big, his brain being to compressed, his lesion moving further and further up his back, etc etc. They worry never seems to end as much as I try to be optimistic. I really just want these next 11 weeks to go by quickly so I can see him, I know when he is born and I see his beautiful face I will finally be able to convince myself that he IS going to be ok.

On the up side my sister had her baby today, Chance has a brand new cousin - they will only be 11 weeks apart or so! I'm so happy for my sister and can't wait to meet my nephew. But this is my blog and I use it to vent my feelings, so as terrible of a person as it may make me seem, i can't help being a little jealous. She has two healthy little boys who will never know the pain of back surgery to close up a hole or the pain of a tube being inserted into their skull and passed through to their abdomen to drain fluid. They will never have to worry about shunt replacements. They will never have to feel the embarassment of needing to cath so they can go to the bathroom. Don't get me wrong, i LOVE LOVE LOVE my sister and her family and her two beautiful children, but I can't help wishing that my son could have no worries in his life like her children. I know he is strong and can handle it, he will be no less loved for his challenges and we will cherish every single thing he does in his life. I just pray to God that he never, ever feels like he is not just as good as every other "normal" child out there.

And now I have to stop because i'm making myself ball.

I love you Chance, i can't wait to hold you in my arms. Stay in there and keep cooking though, you aren't ready for the big world yet - only 11 more weeks to go baby!

3 comments:

  1. Hi Jessie,
    I had written out this long comment this morning. but i don't see it here - not sure what happened.
    BUt since I'm one of your followers thought I'd introduce myself and say hi.
    My son Nick has SB at S1, saw your post on babycenter and love finding new blogs. Everything you've been feeling is very, very common - including that blind jealousy! I won't say it will completely go away, but once you have Chance in your arms (LOVE the name) you'll realize that you are holding a healthy baby, just with other health problems that will be part of Chance, but not all of Chance.
    Amanda

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  2. Hey Amanda!
    I can't believe how lucky I am to have found that forum on babycenter. It has gotten me i touch with so many wonderful mothers like you who have helped me through the hard times. I don't know how I would have made it this far.
    I still have a ways to go, but i appreciate so much everyone's support - it makes each step closer a little easier. I can't wait to meet my son :)

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  3. Your blog is wonderful to read as well. I agree that babycenter has been a saving grace in all of this. I am wishing you all the best and cannot wait to see the pictures and updates on Chance when he arrives :)

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